1. |
Bed of Pine
03:16
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I gave up on giving up a long time ago
But there’s only so much to holding on that I know
If I can’t look forward then I’ll be looking back
And honestly I’m still missing all the things that I had
It’s a cancer
This burden’s mine to bare
But these stories I will share
I could scream for hours of wounds never mended
Show you a thousand photographs of how I was pretending to feel again
So pour the poison in my cup
Here’s a toast to me fucking up
It will all be alright in the end
But tomorrow we’ll just be coping again
Pain
My oldest friend I welcome you
If there’s a point to all this suffering I need to know
I need to know now
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2. |
"Self Portrait", 2016
04:26
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Turn my back
To a world
That never wanted
To see my face
They're bathing in mud
Rats in the dirt
I've been dreaming these dreams
Of ceasing to exist
They turn fingers into claws
And hands into fists
I've been chiseling away at a porcelain dream
In the end it all breaks
And the shards fall down on me
When it rains, it always pours
When it doesn't, I'm still cold
The fear of failure cripples my thoughts
A casket full of silk is what I have bought
Bury my bones
Please let me sleep
This life is a gift but it's one I won't keep
It burns a hole in the back of my head
To know that I won't ever sleep
Without regrets
Peel back the skin
Remove the flesh
I already was a skeleton
Before I was kissed by death
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3. |
(no) Future Friends
04:57
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They won’t leave me (alone)
They always come
When they need me
It’s dark in the hall
And the neighbours are asleep
I always move forward
Yet I can’t feel my feet
Carry me to bed
As this green blanket keeps me warm
Close my eyes
Keep me safe from harm
And I still believe in loyalty
So put me down like a dog
And always remember me
Until there’s nothing left
Until my mind is empty
Until I’m bathing in smoke
Talking just ain’t helping
My mind keeps racing
Thoughts keep fading
Apologies don’t mean a thing
When the mind is vacant
Far from the earth
I float
Can you see me?
A bright light
Shrouded in darkness
Universe drains me
Until
Now you all watch
As I lose my shit
By the time you’ll be mourning I’ll already be over it
I can forget
Just about anything
Just about anyone
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4. |
Catharsis (Self-Help)
02:49
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This world I never chose or cared for
Will swallow me whole
These people I used to call friends
Are crushing my soul
Everyone keeps changing
Someone please save me
I’m still living in this cave
And it’s become cold and empty
Self help
My little corner of hell
Tomorrow’s a new day
But I know it will be more of the same
A penny for your thoughts
And a cloud for the pain
Put myself on a pedestal
Cause I’m all I’ve got
It all seemed so simple
Guess you forgot
And I’ve always worn gloves
So I’ll leave you as I am
Broken and down
In desperate need of friends
Nothing is lost
I just need something new
Another step forward and I’m still losing my mind
I wish we could meet but I ain’t got the time
No future friends, but I’ll be fine
I’m no longer weighed down by this heart of mine
Crush my soul.
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5. |
Shards
04:06
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Does it hurt you?
Do you feel fragments of the pain
Like the warmest of splinters looking for a vein
Do you enjoy the sting?
A soft reminder of our suffering
Like you could ever forget
If it’s too close it burns
If it’s too far it freezes
It’s a burden but I need it
The kiss of a snake and the warmth of a grave
And it’s the best I’ve ever felt
If I’ve ever felt
Anything
ALL ALONE ALL ALONG
I WISH I DIDN’T HAVE TO WRITE THESE SONGS
THERE’S A HOUSE WITH BOTH OUR NAMES ON IT
IN A FIELD FULL OF FLOWERS, JUST LIKE YOU WISHED
BEDS OF STONE WHERE WE’LL REST OUR BONES
FOUR BRICK WALLS WE COULD CALL OUR HOME
I’D WISH IT ALL AWAY IN A HEARTBEAT
I’D TAKE THE PAIN AWAY IF YOUD LET ME
Smother me
I’ve already lost my lungs
See deaf ears won’t ever hear
No matter how hard you scream
I’d take it all away in a heartbeat. I’d kill myself if you’d let me.
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6. |
Stasis
03:30
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Dear mom & dad,
I’m sorry for the good times we never had.
It might have been easier if it all was better.
It might have been better if it all were easier.
Carry me (bury me).
Life is dragging me down.
Don’t let me become a memory.
I need you now.
You
I know you can hear me, living on the far side of the earth.
You once told me that death is a forever sleep but I won’t lay my head down until we finally meet again.
And you.
We turned love into loss into love into loss only to find each other again. I put a piece of my heart under a glass bell for you to keep.
I’m running out of air, could you please help me breathe?
HOW COULD I EVER GET SO LOST INSIDE MYSELF
MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED WHEN YOU OFFERED TO HELP THERE’S A ROPE IN THE BASEMENT AND IT’S SINGING MY NAME THERE’S A HOLE IN MY HEAD AND I’M SINKING AGAIN
TO BOTH OF YOU, MY TWO RIGHT HANDS:
I KNOW IT’S NOT EASY TO BE MY FRIEND
BUT ONE DAY BITTER MIGHT TASTE BETTER
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7. |
Prosopagnosia
04:17
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Burnt my fingers more than once
My eyes are scarred by the light of the sun
I’m not even thinking my own thoughts anymore
It’s like looking into a mirror
But I’m standing on the wrong side of the glass
Heavier and heavier
Yet my bones are starting to show
I fell asleep in the dirt
Guess my body is paying my mind’s toll
I’m sorry I would love to talk but now I’ll sleep
I’ve got all these feelings eating away at me
Let me write you a letter
Let me love you better
‘cause you know that I can’t speak
I’ve got something to say
But it doesn’t sound like me
How far should I go so I can stop feeling alone?
We might be in the same room but not the same space
Everything looks so different yet you still look the same
I cut out a piece of skin to see what’s really within
But what does it mean to have a heart?
Is it to never speak?
Cause all these things I feel I only say them in my sleep
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8. |
Black Seed
03:05
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When the sun is shrouded
And the lights come on
I can see myself
Half a shadow of half a man
The white of my eyes has gone red
My heart still beats yet I feel drawn towards death
Let it end.
I don’t even know
When everything started feeling hollow
Oh lifeless life
Just let me go
Death drive
The black seed planted in my skull
Open my arms and let it be seen to the world
“This is a man crushed by hurt”
Let them all weep
Let them know they failed to see
That I was out here by myself
They didn’t need me when I needed them
DEATH, PLEASE FREE ME I CAN’T BE HERE ANYMORE
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9. |
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Embrace me
Let me live inside your love
Because breathing tends to get a lot harder
When it’s you I’m thinking of
-Can’t you hear me choking?-
Bathe in my blood
Wash away the guilt
I can live with the pain
But can you live with the sin?
Cause I keep floating and falling
Forever failing ’til I won’t ever feel
The need to be with you again
Steadily pounding like my right hand
It lives inside my chest
I wrote a four letter word on a piece of paper
- “PAIN” -
You said I should talk about it
I said “we’ll never speak again”
But when I’m all alone
In my room
And the walls stop listening
I will talk to you
You came blindfolded and veiled
Buried me innocently
But now your skin is stained
Slowly it started creeping like the shadow of an old friend
The warm embrace of a cold hand
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10. |
Salt
02:52
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Years of barking up the wrong fucking tree
Could this finally be the end of my anxiety (and me)?
Melt the gold
Cover my bones
A false idol for the salt of the earth
The deathless youth never sleeps
Hopeless children picturing the lives they’ll never lead
Taking pictures of pictures
A life not worth living
Doesn’t it scare you? To live beside yourself?
<I could be more like me if I were like you. Could I be more like me if I were more like you?>
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11. |
Zenith
03:49
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Gauge my eyes and cut my tongue in two
So I could see and talk like you
I wonder if I miss being me
When I’m asleep
I wonder if there is a light that can’t be seen
Could a life of love be enough
For both of us
And they keep telling me
It will all be fine in the end
That a life of pain is one well spent
Then they just embalm me in empathy
So crush my arms
Break my legs
I’ll suffer some more
Practice makes perfect
And in the end you won’t even recognise what I’ve become
At least we’ll both die under the same sun.
Freedom is a prison Comfortable yet full of inhibitions
Silver hair and one last breath
“The purpose of life is a silent death”
We’re all bastard children of a dying sun
Nothing matters to me.
In the end we al burn.
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12. |
Ouroboros
01:06
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No desire to live
Yet I don’t deserve to die
It comes in waves until I’ll find peace
But depression won’t be the death of me
Me and my friends
We’ll stick it out until it ends
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13. |
Stretch Marks
03:56
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Thousands of thoughts
All at once
I'm losing focus
Should think of one
You said if I were patient things would change
But patience changed me
Can't you see you've become nothing but a chain?
A flesh and bone restraint keeping me here
"If only we had met at a different time
Maybe both of us might still be fine
But there's always one thing you've failed to see:
You can't change me"
Even with your kaleidoscope eyes you can't see
How every colour's a part of me
I feel frostbite blue
And see pitch black
See the light went away
When you turned your back on me
Goddamn it's easy to say
Footprints left in the dirt
Fingers full of papercuts
A head full of hurt
You came dragging a spade
My queen of hearts
You said we'd be safe
In this house of cards
Then came the storm
Laid waste to this land
You said we'd start over
I said "never again"
Living with you
Turned into
Life without me
Said I would rather be dead
Buried but free.
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